The Cameron Incompetence-O-meter

Back in my 1970s childhood, the biggest show on TV was good old New Faces. The amateur talent on stage faced stardom, or obscurity, according to the response of the Clapometer, a sophisticated bit of kit which measured the audience sound level.

Realising that there could be a modern use for this terrific piece of British technology, I’ve been down to the BBC and searched through the prop room and, to my delight, have blown the dust off this wonderful invention of the 1970s TV talent show, and claimed it as my own.

With a few pieces of sticky-back-plastic, and a lot of British ingenuity, I’ve remade the device to fit the modern time. No, this is not for a Talent TV show. No. My remake of this classic invention is to measure the incompetence of our Prime Minister.

The Cameron Incompetence-ometer has been born. You the people can now make your voice heard by the nation.

So here’s a choice of Cameron incompetences. At the bottom you get to vote and the Incompetence-ometer will number crunch and decide which of Cameron’s mishaps is the most incompetent of them all.

Hiring Coulson:
Cameron wanted a Head of Communications who really knew how the Tabloid Press operated, so he hired a man who was implicated in a bugging and wire-tapping scandal. He then brought him into the heart of government and when the Guardian started to investigate this, Cameron was genuinely surprised.

Libya:
Two weeks after making the RAF redundant, and calling it “savings”, Cameron then threatened to impose a No Fly Zone, only to discover that the Americans didn’t want to bomb another Arab country. Add to this the British Nationals stranded during a revolution because the government had outsourced the emergency flights in order to get “More for Less”.

NHS Reform:
Every newly qualified doctor faces the same dilemma: Whether to go into hospitals and have a career with lots of responsibilities, or become a GP and get to play golf in the afternoon? On the basis of a new-fangled management theory called “Localism” Cameron decided to sack the NHS management and put the GPs in charge of £80billion and our future health. Luckily for us, they don’t plan to privatise. We know because Nick Clegg said so.


The Economy:
Destroy, destroy, destroy. Sack everyone in Regional Development. Sack everyone in Employment Services. Sack everyone, where ever they are. Then if the people demand a Growth Strategy, promise £100M for enterprise zones, and chuck a dart in that map, to decide where to put them. Oh, and if we go into recession, blame on Labour.

Education:
Destroy, destroy, destroy. Cancel all school building, there’s no money left in the kitty because of Labour. If parents want to set up their own school next door to one that already exists, give them as much money as they want. Spend, spend spend.

So now’s your chance to vote. Click on the link below and tell the Cameron Incompetence-ometer what you think.

Click Here to Take the Survey

24 Responses to The Cameron Incompetence-O-meter

  1. rob says:

    But if Suave Dave is putting Rupert’s policies into practice shouldn’t we be questioning Rupert’s ability to govern.

    Surely Suave Dave is just a PR front for News International’s British subsidiary – only one small part of the strategic operation to gain Murdoch global domination.

    Today’s news says we welcome anyone to the country with more than £?m. Ironical when cabinet ministers with any capital are alleged to hide it away in foreign tax havens in secret trusts.

    Unlike foreign dictatorships which have to be fought against we have a democracy which in a free market can be bought and sold like eveything else. If you have the cash, of course.

    • dan says:

      The one problem with this theory is that Murdoch would never employ someone as stupid as David Cameron. He’d have put someone better into No10.

      • Thus Spake Zarathustra says:

        Rupert Murdoch was initially against supporting the Tories but was persuaded by his son James Murdoch. One can only assume the old man is going soft with age and his son isn’t quite the full sixpack.

        I hear Cameron has regular meetings with the reptilian eyed John Major and, of course, he’s propped up by the golf club set. The phrase in office but not in power springs to mind.

        Now, I’ll admit I dislike the Murdoch empire and the Tories are doing a very good of scaring the shit out of me but nothing lasts forever. Tories lack perspective that, ultimately, is their undoing.

      • dan says:

        Coulson helped them get in with Murdoch, but I wonder if the old man would have encouraged that situation. I’m sure he’d have seen the massive pitfall.

      • rob says:

        Well there is that – but sometimes you have to try and work with the material that’s there. Stupid people can be more reliable/pliable especially if there are “secret dossiers” around to convince them to toe the line. What’s a Xmas Party between friends?

      • rob says:

        There is also the example of the US. Wasn’t George Bush jnr just an acceptable PR front for the dangerous guys behind the scenes. No one could really accuse him of the utmost intelligence? And now we have the potential prospect of Sarah Palin being funded for their next election!

  2. rob says:

    But if Suave Dave is putting Rupert’s policies into practice shouldn’t we be questioning Rupert’s ability to govern.

    Surely Suave Dave is just a PR front for News International’s British subsidiary – only one small part of the strategic operation to gain Murdoch global domination.

    Today’s news says we welcome anyone to the country with more than £?m. Ironical when cabinet ministers with any capital are alleged to hide it away in foreign tax havens in secret trusts.

    Unlike foreign dictatorships which have to be fought against we have a democracy which in a free market can be bought and sold like eveything else. If you have the cash, of course.

    • dan says:

      The one problem with this theory is that Murdoch would never employ someone as stupid as David Cameron. He’d have put someone better into No10.

      • Thus Spake Zarathustra says:

        Rupert Murdoch was initially against supporting the Tories but was persuaded by his son James Murdoch. One can only assume the old man is going soft with age and his son isn’t quite the full sixpack.

        I hear Cameron has regular meetings with the reptilian eyed John Major and, of course, he’s propped up by the golf club set. The phrase in office but not in power springs to mind.

        Now, I’ll admit I dislike the Murdoch empire and the Tories are doing a very good of scaring the shit out of me but nothing lasts forever. Tories lack perspective that, ultimately, is their undoing.

      • dan says:

        Coulson helped them get in with Murdoch, but I wonder if the old man would have encouraged that situation. I’m sure he’d have seen the massive pitfall.

      • rob says:

        Well there is that – but sometimes you have to try and work with the material that’s there. Stupid people can be more reliable/pliable especially if there are “secret dossiers” around to convince them to toe the line. What’s a Xmas Party between friends?

      • rob says:

        There is also the example of the US. Wasn’t George Bush jnr just an acceptable PR front for the dangerous guys behind the scenes. No one could really accuse him of the utmost intelligence? And now we have the potential prospect of Sarah Palin being funded for their next election!

  3. Nicky says:

    Good stuff.

    Cameron is totally out of his depth. Hoist by his own petard of arrogance and stupidity.

    He’s certainly re-toxifying the Tory brand – that’s one thing he’s good at.

  4. Nicky says:

    Good stuff.

    Cameron is totally out of his depth. Hoist by his own petard of arrogance and stupidity.

    He’s certainly re-toxifying the Tory brand – that’s one thing he’s good at.

  5. dan says:

    Toxic Tories are good for us. Come the next election, we’ll be able to remind people of John Major’s government and David Cameron’s government and ask them if they ever want to see the Tories in again. Tories could be out for another generation.

  6. dan says:

    Toxic Tories are good for us. Come the next election, we’ll be able to remind people of John Major’s government and David Cameron’s government and ask them if they ever want to see the Tories in again. Tories could be out for another generation.

  7. Gracie says:

    I tend to agree with that, good old Rupe would never have put Cameron in the job, give him a choice out of Cameron and Brown, he would have no hesitation in choosing Brown and he knows it and so does Cameron.Never known such an incompetent blithering intellectually bereft pm.

    • rob says:

      With the best will in the world Brown would never have won the election, he was carrying too much baggage (his own and Blairs) and besides 13 years in office is probably not a good thing if there is a reasonable alternative. Murdoch backs winners, that is why he switched to Labour under Blair and why he switched back to Cameron as Hobson’s choice. You can see why Cameron appealed – he is more media concious, being an ex PR man himself, than Brown ever was and in today’s world appearance means more than substance I’m afraid and Ed Milliband has got to come to grips with that problem too.

  8. Gracie says:

    I tend to agree with that, good old Rupe would never have put Cameron in the job, give him a choice out of Cameron and Brown, he would have no hesitation in choosing Brown and he knows it and so does Cameron.Never known such an incompetent blithering intellectually bereft pm.

    • rob says:

      With the best will in the world Brown would never have won the election, he was carrying too much baggage (his own and Blairs) and besides 13 years in office is probably not a good thing if there is a reasonable alternative. Murdoch backs winners, that is why he switched to Labour under Blair and why he switched back to Cameron as Hobson’s choice. You can see why Cameron appealed – he is more media concious, being an ex PR man himself, than Brown ever was and in today’s world appearance means more than substance I’m afraid and Ed Milliband has got to come to grips with that problem too.

  9. Gracie says:

    Don’t forget Cameron’s mother Dan, (Thatcher). Interesting unemployment is at a 17 year high and who was in power 17 years ago? I expect they’ll blame Labour though, but they should be warned that excuse is now wearing extremely thin.

  10. Gracie says:

    Don’t forget Cameron’s mother Dan, (Thatcher). Interesting unemployment is at a 17 year high and who was in power 17 years ago? I expect they’ll blame Labour though, but they should be warned that excuse is now wearing extremely thin.

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