Back in my 1970s childhood, the biggest show on TV was good old New Faces. The amateur talent on stage faced stardom, or obscurity, according to the response of the Clapometer, a sophisticated bit of kit which measured the audience sound level.
Realising that there could be a modern use for this terrific piece of British technology, I’ve been down to the BBC and searched through the prop room and, to my delight, have blown the dust off this wonderful invention of the 1970s TV talent show, and claimed it as my own.
With a few pieces of sticky-back-plastic, and a lot of British ingenuity, I’ve remade the device to fit the modern time. No, this is not for a Talent TV show. No. My remake of this classic invention is to measure the incompetence of our Prime Minister.
The Cameron Incompetence-ometer has been born. You the people can now make your voice heard by the nation.
So here’s a choice of Cameron incompetences. At the bottom you get to vote and the Incompetence-ometer will number crunch and decide which of Cameron’s mishaps is the most incompetent of them all.
Cameron wanted a Head of Communications who really knew how the Tabloid Press operated, so he hired a man who was implicated in a bugging and wire-tapping scandal. He then brought him into the heart of government and when the Guardian started to investigate this, Cameron was genuinely surprised.
Two weeks after making the RAF redundant, and calling it “savings”, Cameron then threatened to impose a No Fly Zone, only to discover that the Americans didn’t want to bomb another Arab country. Add to this the British Nationals stranded during a revolution because the government had outsourced the emergency flights in order to get “More for Less”.
Every newly qualified doctor faces the same dilemma: Whether to go into hospitals and have a career with lots of responsibilities, or become a GP and get to play golf in the afternoon? On the basis of a new-fangled management theory called “Localism” Cameron decided to sack the NHS management and put the GPs in charge of £80billion and our future health. Luckily for us, they don’t plan to privatise. We know because Nick Clegg said so.
Destroy, destroy, destroy. Sack everyone in Regional Development. Sack everyone in Employment Services. Sack everyone, where ever they are. Then if the people demand a Growth Strategy, promise £100M for enterprise zones, and chuck a dart in that map, to decide where to put them. Oh, and if we go into recession, blame on Labour.
Destroy, destroy, destroy. Cancel all school building, there’s no money left in the kitty because of Labour. If parents want to set up their own school next door to one that already exists, give them as much money as they want. Spend, spend spend.
So now’s your chance to vote. Click on the link below and tell the Cameron Incompetence-ometer what you think.