Go Fast Dave!

Dave Cameron likes to move fast. He can take big risks because he’s cool in a crisis; it suits him. He will make his mark, even if it is a skid mark from his handbrake turns on policy.

He moves so fast that his election honeymoon lasted only a few weeks and the voters’ mid-term blues appeared in the polls within months. That’s fast. Very fast.

When his domestic policy began to fall apart, he did what all elected leaders do, and turned to foreign policy. So fast is Dave Cameron, that this came about before his first year of office was even complete. It took two weeks for his Libya policy to fall apart.

If his government were a car, it would have a big engine, but not as big as the cc badge on the back says it is. The top of the windscreen would show Dave & Sam, which the voters like, as she coined the phrase, “The Big Society”.

He’d removed the exhaust pipe to make the engine sound bigger. And we’re are curious about those Go-Fast stripes down each side of the car, because he genuinely believes they increase his speed.

Go Fast Dave is cool at high speed. He’s cool in a crisis. He’s also cool when the wheels come off. He’s cool when everyone around him crashes and burns. Go Fast Dave is just plain cool. This is due to a genuine inner faith rather than because he’s just too stupid to care.

Amazingly, Go Fast Dave is so speedy that he has managed to do a handbrake skid on NHS reform, at the same time as the wheels came off on his foreign policy.

But he’s not so stupid that he can’t leave the option open for more U-turns on Libya. His Foreign Secretary William Hague is telling us he’ll stop Gaddafi from selling oil and gas, as if a man who lives in a tent will be too concerned. Dave moves too fast to bother asking if other countries agree to plunge the world into recession by creating a new oil spike

Go Fast Dave loves to have the chance to crash in slow motion. In a parody of the classic Peter Cook sketch he’s asked Andrew Lansley to give his life to the cause in an utterly pointless gesture.

Rather than axe the NHS reform policy, Dave has created a three month consultation period where Lansley gets to get out there and persuade the world why his policy is good for us all. By the end, it is unlikely that anyone in the country doesn’t know about the incompetency of this policy.

This suits Go Fast Dave. He likes to have a stadium audience for his high-speed, hand-brake turns. This time, the stadium audience will be even bigger. It will be the whole of the UK.

I can’t wait to be in the audience.

2 Responses to Go Fast Dave!

  1. Thus Spake Zarathustra says:

    The comparison with Fast Eddie in ‘The Hustler’ is an easy reach. Fast Dave in ‘The Chump’ probably won’t do so well at the box office. Can I haz refund?

  2. Thus Spake Zarathustra says:

    The comparison with Fast Eddie in ‘The Hustler’ is an easy reach. Fast Dave in ‘The Chump’ probably won’t do so well at the box office. Can I haz refund?

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